10 months in- 10 months out 😱
Here’s what I have learned:
It’s startling just how many people have an opinion about how/what/when you should do pretty much anything/everything with your child. The sooner you remember you’re the parent and yours, your child’s and your partners opinions are the ones that really matter, the better ☺️
I think it’s important to realize too- most of these opinions are coming from a genuine place of wanting to help so receive them with love but feel zero obligation to heed their advice.
There’s a huge societal focus on ‘bouncing back’ it’s toxic. It’s unrealistic and it’s (for me, anyway) the last thing you’re focused on in those first few months where you’re learning to be a parent. The further that gets from your mind, the better. I grew this beautiful, magical angel of a human in my body for almost 42 weeks. Now that she’s been earth side that long, I am *beginning* to feel like my old self in some ways and I think that’s normal. I also think some parts of me are never going to go back to the way they were and that’s not a failure! The body I had before never carried and delivered a baby. Duh!
I am glad I exercised through my pregnancy and have exercised since I made it past the initial few weeks where you really have no business attempting. It does wonders for my frame of mind and Kansas and I enjoy walks and movement together so much.
I wish I would have been able to communicate sooner what I did and didn’t want help with. I have definitely been the friend that visited a new mom and said ‘I can hold the baby while you do something for yourself…. Like take a shower or do the dishes’ oops. I can’t speak for all moms but I can speak for myself and say holding the baby has never been what I needed or wanted relief from. I wish desperately I had known how to say ‘I am happy to hold the baby. I need someone to clean up the kitchen/do the laundry/make me something to eat so I can continue doing the most important thing for me right now’
To those incredible people in my life that show up and say ‘here let me carry your bag, let me get the door, let me do blank’ instead of ‘give me that baby’ THANK YOU FOR SEEING ME. I will say it again, every mom is different. Some moms desperately want someone to come hold the baby. I don’t and haven’t felt that way and that’s totally ok.
I have learned understanding your baby’s temperament is SO much greater than having a preconceived idea of how you’re going to do everything as a parent. Of course I thought I knew how I was going to do most things- you spend your pregnancy deciding your stance on a myriad of preferences and then your baby shows up and says (figuratively) hold my beer! LOL
Kansas is absolutely a barnacle baby. A koala. SO attached it isn’t even funny. And guess what? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. She is crushing her health and development milestones. She is thriving! She just requires a lot more support for sleep and she feeds CONSTANTLY. I was vastly unprepared for that. I am totally ok with it now and accept this is who she is as a baby. She won’t always be this way. Society rushes for independence with constant questions like ‘you still breastfeeding?’ ‘She sleeping through the night yet?’ ‘You got that baby on a bottle/paci yet?’ And can make you feel like a failure as a parent if those aren’t your choices but I’ve been thankful to find lots of information about how this is completely normal for certain personalities/attachment styles/temperaments and I am so glad to be able to nurture her as much as she needs right now. I think a real gift of having a baby in my thirties instead of my twenties is- I know how fast life goes now. I am doing my best to stay SO present because I don’t want to wish this season away.
I think the last thing I have learned is it’s impossible to know who you are as a parent until the moment hits. I was SHOCKED to feel how un-ambitious/career concerned Kendra the parent is. I have heavily identified myself on achievement/accomplishment/success my whole life- not the healthiest of habits, I know. That’s another blog for another day. Kendra the mom is like ‘is that great for my baby?’ If the answer is no, it isn’t a priority at the moment End of conversation. It’s quite liberating. I have struggled with boundaries around my professional life for EVER. Kendra the mom? Nope. Boundaries AF. I am learning to adjust!
I learn constantly now that I’m in this season of parenthood and I know we have only just begun. I say all this to say- there are infinite ways to parent your child. If you’re doing every thing the opposite way I am doing it, I trust you know what’s best for your child and your family. I see you, mama. You got this! I don’t think there’s enough of us out here saying ‘it can look different and still be right’ Children are all so unique- why shouldn’t our parenting styles be? Moms are absolutely super heroes. I am in awe of each and every one of you. AIN’T NO HOOD LIKE MOTHERHOOD.
